CYCM 09/02/19: Maitland Season Begins in Earnest

Course You Can Malcolm returns to the SMRE Bar on Saturday 9th February (12-3pm) ahead of our home match versus Altrincham - Featuring live band The Maitlands.

Spring: what a time of year to be human. You get to kiss goodbye to the long johns, the melancholy that envelopes you as the sun dips before tea time disappears, and your olfactory nerves are gently tickled by the burgeoning scent of blossoming trees. Wonderful. It’s not all shabby if you’re an animal either. After months resisting winter’s icy grip huddled up close and personal to the rest of your herd/flock/cete*, the milder temperatures and longer days mean only one thing: mating season. For our feathered and four-legged friends, it’s like nature’s on a three-month long trip to the Printworks, just minus the Bolton accents and work parties dancing to Dexy’s Midnight Runners.

And sensing this spring giddiness in the air we’ve gone full-on Springwatch, in preparation for this Saturday’s CYCM, donning our most expensive-looking insulated jackets and bobble hats; checking the recently acquired vest-cams for signs that the rarely seen red-topped goalus victorious (only one sighting so far this season) might, just might, return to Broadhurst Park this Saturday; observing the extraordinary 14,000 mile mid-winter migration of the Reno, now back on home turf after a brief stop in south east Asia; pondering on why we never see a fox in the box at Broadhust Park; and keenly anticipating, binoculars a-twitching, only the second-ever appearance in Moston of the Altrincham-based robins.

Thankfully, you’ll be glad to hear, we stopped short of entering into any online spats with Tory-voting ex-England cricketers though. We’re also hoping, if time allows on Saturday, to answer some of your questions on Mostonian wildlife including this one that’s arrived by email from a former Moston resident who now lives in Yorkshire and asks “I’ve recently begun to breed racing pigeons and understand that some races take place over several hundred miles. Do I need to get international clearance?” Hmmm.

Unfortunately for both humans and animals however, spring’s still a couple of months away, and we’re stuck with light snow bringing the M60 to a halt, the Six Nations taking centre stage on the big telly in your local, and various fauna remaining chaste. But while mating season is still some way off in the animal kingdom, for those bipedal mammals in attendance at Broadhurst Park this Saturday, Maitland Season will definitely be in as we welcome post-punk/garage rock outfit The Maitlands to Course You Can Malcolm.

So, what’s in store?

11.00The Oddies Arrive: If you’ve ever watched them try to assemble a PA, you’ll know why they get down to the ground early. We’ve seen monkeys sat at typewriters exude more poise.

1.00 Doors open:
Stop and gaze in wonder at Stu from the Bay’s shiny new signage. Let it usher you gently to his Caravan of Grub, where the tater ash and cheese & onion pies lie meltingly waiting. (Note for the growing band of aficionados of Vegan Ronay’s splendid fare: he’s just become a grand-dad so we’ve allowed him a day off this time sorry. We’re all heart like that).

1.30 Football Focus:
No, scrap that, we’re more Elkie Brooks than Garth Crooks. Topical musings from our MC to rile and beguile you.

1.50 Quiz by George Irwell:
There’ll be an Alty-themed twist. Do you know your Frank Sidebottoms from your Arnies? Subject to clearance by the FA’s No Politics at Football Compliance Unit, we’ve a modest but lovely Peterloo-themed prize for the winners.

2.15 The Maitlands:
Lying, in their own words, somewhere between a drunk Smiths and a sober Fall, the Maitlands have an FCUM 2005 kind of vibe about them. Their songs pay homage to the outer reaches of Metrolink (‘Daunting from Derker’). They warn of the perils of abstinence (‘Dangerously Sober’). Our spy at the Salty Dog in Northwich, where they performed with fellow CYCM favourites Callow Youth last week, tells us their brand new EP, ‘Bury the Hatchet’, is ‘sound. Lead singer reminds me of a sober Pete Doherty.’ We’re delighted they’re bringing their swarthy, crunching guitar music to the Malcolmses stage. We think you’ll love them.

* That’s a group of badgers. Interesting, we know …

Just so you know: if you come looking for us in the St. Mary’s Road End, then, well, you’re in the right place, because that’s our permanent gaff now. Just head to the turnstiles and make your way about two-thirds down the SMRE. You can’t really miss us as we have a big, dock off stage for a start and there’s usually someone with a clipboard and microphone, looking bewildered. And as always: entrance to CYCM is completely freemans, with the usual rules applying: no divviness, nuclear weapons or anyone who, although not referring to people as ‘guys’ themselves, don’t see anything wrong with adult Mancunians using the term liberally. Remember: to do nothing is to enable. Refugees welcome.